Allah, Melancholy And Me

Allah, Melancholy And Me

If it weren’t for Truth, and for the knowledge and notion that I could regret now not attempting to find it, I would have killed myself a long time ago.

Words can not adequately capture what despair appears like, however I will strive. It’s hell. Your thoughts is sort of a room full of a thick, opaque darkness. You can’t move ahead. You can’t assume positively. You can’t smile. The handiest thing you can do is hold onto some thing and wish it”s robust sufficient to drag you via.
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I understand what it’s want to sense humiliated and stigmatized for an contamination that is not my fault. I even have struggled with depression for all of my adult existence, and I still do, regardless of medicine and therapy. On a bad day, I lock my door, near the curtains, curl into a ball and cover beneath a blanket. I cannot appearance every person in the attention, not even the ones closest to me. I get extraordinarily anxious on the idea of leaving my room. I don’t eat, drink or sleep. Sometimes I harm myself so that I can actually experience something apart from numbness. I separate myself from family and buddies. The ultimate component I experience I deserve is love. When I’m depressed, I hate myself. Suicide is not an option; alternatively, I pray for dying. At such times, I sense nothing however extreme loneliness. I experience like Allah is looking me, however ignoring my struggling. It feels adore it’s my fault, that I must be burning in hell before Judgement Day because I deserve it. Still, it is able to be worse.

I can’t consider what it’s want to be a depressed atheist. Think approximately it. Imagine believing you’re alive for no particular reason, that the best aspect you live for is the purpose you provide your self to live – a exceedingly meaningful, in reality meaningless motive. Imagine understanding that you suffer from an illness that automatically locks you up in hell and surrounds you with voices, insisting that the only manner to escape is to die. Imagine that regardless of the know-how that it’s all to your mind, the lowest line is that even though you have given your self a cause to be alive, within the grand scheme of things that motive’s handiest characteristic is to hold you tethered to a finite, unjust, in the long run meaningless world. I sense for such a person.

I experience for the person that has grown up in a society that tells him that there’s nothing past this existence, that this is all there is. I feel for the person who is informed that proper and wrong are ideas arbitrarily described by means of imperfect, ambitious, flawed, egocentric human beings, that reality is relative, and that he have to create his own truths. I feel for the person that is delivered up with the belief that understanding the distinction among reality and untruth serves no purpose if he does not use them to get as a long way as he can in this life. I feel for the individual that is advised that he is not going everywhere, that tyrants like Saddam and Hitler will no longer be held responsible for their crimes. I feel for the person that is raised with the perception that an man or woman who commits acts of high-quality evil can get away justice actually by way of biting right into a cyanide tablet or death in jail while not having to stand each man, girl, and child whose lives he destroyed on a whim. I experience for the person that is taught to accept as true with that his actions are insignificant. I would be surprised if he wasn’t depressed.

Someone who suffers from despair cannot be blamed for his illness, no matter his heritage and occasions. However, it’s essential to well known that ideals are important. A society this is nurtured at the idea that there may be no accountability or justice past what is obtained on this lifestyles will fail. A person who grows up in such an environment will agree with that his moves imply not anything if they may be now not noticed and rewarded by fellow human beings. Depression will be an unavoidable problem in that society. Not simplest that, the foundation reasons of the society’s intellectual fitness trouble can be overlooked because it will conflict with the winning, atheist philosophy. Its humans can be installation for failure. Does it make any experience?

It’s hard sufficient residing in this world, even supposing one is blessed with belief in Allah, Prophets, Imams, and a Day of Judgement. Imagine not having the ones ideals.

Living in one of the maximum underdeveloped and corrupt nations inside the global, I see injustice and poverty every day. Sometimes I like to head for drives. When I stop at a pink light, a ten year old orphan in rags knocks on my window, begging for money. I’ve visible the identical boy sniff glue and rip off mirrors. What do I do? Eventually, it becomes not possible to ignore the reality that irrespective of what number of people I make an effort to assist, it’s no longer sufficient. I can usually do greater. Despite knowing that Allah will supply every man or woman their just dues, it’s upsetting to look others starve even as I devour. It’s depressing. It looks like their struggling is my fault. I ask myself, why must I even try, what’s the point? I persuade myself that I’m fighting a losing conflict, that I’m destined to fail. I lose desire. I give up. I stop dwelling. I get angry on the Almighty. I lock my door and go to mattress. Eventually, but, I will remind myself that Allah has a plan. It will give me wish, and I might be capable of move ahead.

Now, consider I didn’t accept as true with in Allah. Imagine I didn’t agree with in divine justice. Imagine that in spite of my best efforts, I could not keep the huge majority of road kids from residing a lifestyles of destitution. Imagine I didn’t agree with that these youngsters could sooner or later be paid their dues by using Allah Himself. Considering my melancholy, I don’t think everybody could be able to persuade me that I turned into no longer a failure. Bottom line: I might trust that the youngsters I couldn’t shop had been deprived and could possibly die deprived. Not most effective that, I wouldn’t be able to neglect that they might be completely forgotten once they died, and that their our bodies could end up dirt in unnamed graves. My guilt might eat me. Depression could idiot me into believing that my excellent deeds, inside the grand scheme of things, might possibly mean not anything.

Whenever I revel in a depressive episode, I recollect the Ahlul Bayt, specially Imam Hussain (as). He has been my companion throughout the worst moments of my lifestyles. If he didn’t agree with in Allah, he might have chosen no longer to upward push up towards Yazid, I would no longer were a lover of the Ahlul Bayt. I might have killed myself. But via the grace and mercy of the Lord of Hussain, I am nonetheless right here, alhamdulillah. I actually have a super to strive toward, and I tell myself that no appropriate deed is small. Hussain ibn Ali (as), just a few days earlier than his bloodbath, gave all his water away so the enemy’s horses wouldn’t die of thirst. Husayn ibn Ali (as) did no longer hesitate to do an amazing deed, although it became at his cloth rate, although it regarded small and insignificant. He didn’t care if he wasn’t rewarded by using different people; his praise turned into with Allah. His act of generosity convinced Hurr to switch sides. His conviction in divine justice inspired him to upward push up in opposition to injustice. It inspired him to carry out an act of unequalled selflessness, and it prompted a wave of exchange at some stage in history that maintains to benefit momentum. His sacrifice literally saved my lifestyles on more than one event.

Dear reader, I need to inform you that melancholy is actual. I want to tell you that it isn’t a sign of weak point. If you know someone who suffers from it, assist them with the aid of being a terrific listener; don’t decide. If you be afflicted by melancholy as I do, I want you to recognise that I recognize. I want you to recognize I am with you, that I feel for you, and that whoever you’re, I always pray for you, and usually will. Most of all, I need to inform you, with every ounce of electricity I can muster, with all of my coronary heart: take into account Allah. Talk to Him even if you’re irritated at Him. Remember the Prophet and his family. Remember Imam Hussain (as). Remember the tears of his son, Imam Sajjad (as). I need you to realize, dear reader, that had it now not been for them, I might no longer have had a threat to jot down this article; I might were dead a long term in the past. I’m now not kidding. I need you to recognize that during my moments of self-loathing, I tried to abandon Allah and the Ahlul Bayt, however they by no means abandoned me. I want you to know that in a way, I’m grateful for depression due to the fact thru it, Allah gave me the opportunity to cry for the Ahlul Bayt as I never had once I wasn’t stricken with this contamination. During moments of hopelessness, after I felt I had little to be grateful for, they had been my maximum steadfast partners.

If you are coping with despair you don’t need to do it on my own. Here are some establishments that assist human beings handling depression and different intellectual ailments:RelateMuslim Youth Helpline –  0207 435 8171 –  [e-mail blanketed]ZamZam Counselling – 07799485059 – [email blanketed]Sakoon Counselling – [e mail blanketed]